Hijabman meets Logicwoman
Issue 75 December 2010
A wacky redundant man and a meticulous divorced woman with a child – not the most obvious match, but Javed and Aida became an instant hit.
Javed
After getting laid off my job, I took up wedding photography in addition to my already established hijabman.com shirt business. Within a few months, I was photographing weddings all over North America, but one request stood out from all the others: a Muslim woman was going to marry a Christian man. I was flown to Chicago for the Church ceremony and Malaysia for the Muslim ceremony. I stopped in Singapore on my way to Malaysia where Aida, one of the bride’s friends, left the following instructions for me: “Tell the driver to go to Block 888. The ride should cost about S$30 and take around 30 minutes. Take the elevator to the 11th floor and walk down one floor to level 10.” I soon found myself outside her apartment. “There’ll be nobody at home when you arrive. Your ticket and some maps will be taped to the TV. Please feel free to make yourself at home. There’s coffee, tea, milk, bread, eggs, cereals. Needless to say, lock the doors when you leave. I will leave a phone with a Malaysia sim card in it so you can call the bride when you’re there.”
Could this person be any more helpful or hospitable? A couple of days later I met Aida at the wedding in Penang. We didn’t get much of a chance to talk, but I was able to observe her interacting with her two-and-a-half year old daughter. She was engaging, positive, and very patient.
After travelling around Malaysia I had three days left to explore Singapore, so I asked Aida if I could visit her and her daughter. She agreed, and we spent three days hanging out. Eventually, I asked if she was interested in marriage and to my great delight she said yes. A couple of months later, I was back in Singapore and all three of us flew to Penang where I met her whole family – and unofficially photographed her brother’s wedding. A few months after that, Aida flew to the US to meet my family, and after they fell in love with her too I proposed to Aida.
For me, it was meeting her family that sealed the deal. I knew my parents and siblings would treat whoever I married as their own family. I was seeking the same; I wanted her family to treat me like a son rather than a son-in-law. And thankfully, that is what I found.
I didn’t have to do much preparation for the wedding beyond helping half my family get to Malaysia. I was a little bit nervous since my frame of reference for weddings had never been Malay-style. The day went down without any issues at all; in fact it was pretty enjoyable.
Since we’ve been married, I’ve learned a lot more about Aida. I admire her sense of responsibility and work ethic. I love everything about her, from the way she logically argues her point to her bond with our daughter. It helps that she is just as silly as me and appreciates life. Her positivity is disarming; her smile is infectious.
And while marriage has made me mature, it hasn’t stopped me from jumping around like a monkey, becoming a Tickle Monster, or calling her at work just so I can sing Stevie Wonder’s classic, “I Just Called To Say I Love You.”
Aida
I was enjoying life as a single mother, happily juggling the demands of a great research position and those of a growing toddler. I had learnt a great deal about myself from my first marriage and was comfortable with the person I was. I was definitely not looking to get married again. And then Javed came along.
I met Javed over a Facebook message sent by a mutual friend. She had hired him to photograph her wedding in Malaysia, and he needed a place to stay during his one-day stopover in Singapore. We finally met face-to-face at my friend’s house the day before her wedding. In the meantime, I did some Google-stalking and found his “Hijabman” web site. I was interested to meet the face behind the blog and was happy to see that the friendly, candid, wacky online personality translated well in to the offline one. We did not have time to get to know each other during that wedding, but through lengthy heartfelt email exchanges I got to know him better. We discussed all manner of topics including life lessons, religious thoughts, personality traits, strengths and weaknesses, future goals and dreams, quirks and silliness. His replies were strikingly earnest and never failed to be thought-provoking.
It was not easy building a friendship and evaluating a future partner while negotiating a 12-hour time difference, but after four cross-the-globe trips Javed made a fifth to Penang for our wedding. The decision to marry was really a no-brainer: we got along really well, he blended easily into my larger family and got along fantastically with my friends, and most importantly he formed a great relationship with my daughter. Planning went smoothly as there had been three previous weddings in the family, and preparations were down to a simple checklist. Other than wearing desi outfits for the nikah, it was more or less a standard Malay wedding. I was very happy and felt very relaxed on our wedding day. Whilst I did also feel excited, we knew each other so well that it felt like we had been married for absolutely ages.
Javed reflects and complements me in our relationship, both as a husband and as a father. His limitless patience reminds me that flipping out does not solve problems. The gentle way with which he communicates with our daughter reminds me to temper my own tone. What I appreciate most is Javed’s communication skills – I like to say that whilst I might have a high IQ, he has a high EQ. I am blessed to have such a wonderful person in my life and look forward to a long and fulfilling life together.
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Comments
16 Comments
1
hussain
9 Dec 10, 09:34
I see many articles by muslims in other publications refering to dating, sex etc but I have never wrote any comments there. Those people aren't practising the basics of islam yet, the five pillars etc so I expect this from them and they aren't claiming to do anything in the name of islam as well. But emel I thought was different run by Sarah Joseph who I admire. Who has been involved in islamic work for many years and is one of its main figures in the UK. I also thought it was an ISB Islamic Society of Britain publication.
2
hussain
9 Dec 10, 09:23
Yes to be clear I wasn't saying anything bad or criticizing the way he got married or the above article. May Allah bless him. But what I was refering to was his website and previous articles in emel. You see many young people who met each other fall in love arrange to get married and then tell the parents. And this can be devastating. Yes it happened to me and I was just going by what I thought was right at the time. Following others that were immature and who were practising muslims as well. Mashallah I got married after alot of heartache but many dont and it scars them for life.
What I dont like is seeing many young hijab girls and muslim boys some who are practising muslims walking around holding hands and dating each other. I see this alot its so common now that they do it without a second thought but at one time it would seem very odd.
3
8 Dec 10, 11:49
I think their story is really sweet, he met her and proposed really soon and she accepted, that sounds very honorable to me!
4
hussain
4 Dec 10, 12:51
Shadowmn I am not dumber than a bag of rocks. I have an IQ of over 150. May be your dumber than a bag of rocks.
5
hussain
4 Dec 10, 10:54
Shadowmn and co lets not be sincere to Allah but only use and follow the bits of islam that modern society likes and ignore,reject those that it dislikes. Many of us will follow islam based on culture either eastern western etc. This is ok as long as those bits of culture do not go against islam. But what we are doing is putting culture above islam when the two oppose each other. We have zero tolerence only on Issues that go against islam and our western upbringing but on issues that go against islam only and are part of modern culture we suddenly become all accepting even though many of us know these issues our wrong.
As regards taliban, no my upbringing is very modern and western probably much more than yours and I will stick to that as long as it doesn't go against islam. Shadowmn and the rest learn and practice the basics of islam. The five pillars to start of with and then some quran, hadith etc. Shadowmn you cant take my words but hijabmans mocking of ayah and hadith is ok.
6
shadowmn
4 Dec 10, 04:02
Dear hussain,
I just registered on this site to tell you the that you are clearly dumber than a bag of rocks.
Please take your Taliban self back to the 15th century and leave the rest of us in peace.
kthanxbye
7
shadowmn
4 Dec 10, 04:01
Dear hussain,
I just registered on this site to tell you the that you are clearly dumber than a bag of rocks.
Please take your Taliban self back to the 15th century and leave the rest of us in peace.
kthanxbye
8
A.S.
4 Dec 10, 00:29
Hi. I've have watched Hijabman for a very long time.
He has a suite of psychological problem. Just give him a
break.
9
ummzak
3 Dec 10, 23:46
This is such a sweet story, and it gives me hope. I'm so happy for you both. Smooches to the little one.
10
HijabMan
3 Dec 10, 23:31
:-) salaam. to read the whole story, it is at: http://hijabman.com/journal/how-i-met-my-wife-and-daughter-p art-1/
11
aycheetoo
2 Dec 10, 21:13
This article disappointed me right from the second sentence"a Muslim woman was going to marry a Christian man. "
This makes me think less of emel.
I am truly truly disppointed.
12
hussain
28 Nov 10, 09:04
He seems to think these words have been made up to suit someone. H man wouldnt know the first thing about checking hadith. He mocks the words of the Prophet and these scholars who he has slandered were the type who memorised about 100,000 hadith in their teens as well piety and knowledge that H man or the rest of us couldn't even imagine. The gravity of what he has done even a complete reckless ignoramus would understand but he hasn't. He hasn't grasped the A B C's of islam but will speak about matters he NO right to speak about and is very sinful in doing so. Yes the guys telling us what is right and wrong in islam but has no qualifications to teach kids abc.
13
hussain
28 Nov 10, 08:37
I dont mean to spoil you rosy article, happy magazine but you should check who you feature and what you print. I've spent about half an hour on this and wish I'd spent my time
otherwise. Its probably done more harm than good. But
Im just going to give you one quote from this hijabman what ever that means:
"Muslims also often quote a tradition attributed to the Prophet Muhammad that goes something like this: “When an unmarried man and woman are alone, the devil is the third one present!
I think the person who wrote it realized that the devil is everywhere anyway, but it doesn’t just sound as good to say…“Whenever one man buys lentils from another man at a shop, the devil is their third partner.”
The person who wrote it refers to Imam Ahmad and Imam Tirimidhi. And they dont play around with the words of the Pophet as does hijabman who isnt worth the dirt beneah their feet. He claims it is attributed to the Prophet no the hadith is sahih unlike what hijabman uses when it suits
14
hussain
28 Nov 10, 08:11
Doubtless many of your readers will agree with him. Do what you like I dont care just dont do it in the name of islam. ie if you want to drink go ahead but dont try to islamisize it. I did phone emel once and ask why are they always encouraging premarital relations. The very I cant take any criticism no salaam man on the other end said many people have gone on to successful marriaegs after this. Erm ok, I didnt know what to say. Many a success has come after doing wrong that never made right. Someone might start a bussiness with illegal means and then do things legally. The bussiness may be a great success but it never would mean what they did at first was right.
15
hussain
28 Nov 10, 07:24
Trust emel to have a feature like this. Your fixation with premarital love and endless encouragement of it. This so called hijabman is a joke. He openly makes fun of the quran and prophetic sayings. Just check out his website for all sorts of absurd nonsense. He has his own dating guide. And has wriiten a response against an article on imam Suhaib Webbs website about dating. He has no islamic knowledge and will twist things to suit his whims. Probably doesnt even follow the basics of islam eg pray five times a day but has set himself up to guide us on.
He encourages muslims to date. Makes fun of any ayah or hadith against it. eg the hadith in sahih muslim about a man and women being alone. His own dating guide says everthing is allowed as long as you dont have sex. His solution is
boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are a must and only backwards people are against it. This is just one example of what the guy is like. Im expecting emel to get all defensive.
16
hussain
28 Nov 10, 07:23
Trust emel to have a feature like this. Your fixation with premarital love and endless encouragement of it. This so called hijabman is a joke. He openly makes fun of the quran and prophetic sayings. Just check out his website for all sorts of absurd nonsense. He has his own dating guide. And has wriiten a response against an article on imam Suhaib Webbs website about dating. He has no islamic knowledge and will twist things to suit his whims. Probably doesnt even follow the basics of islam eg pray five times a day but has set himself up to guide us on.
He encourages muslims to date. Makes fun of any ayah or hadith against it. eg the hadith in sahih muslim about a man and women being alone. His own dating guide says everthing is allowed as long as you dont have sex. His solution is
boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are a must and only backwards people are against it. This is just one example of what the guy is like. Im expecting emel to get all defensive.