Making my mind up - Karimah Bint Dawood

Issue 5 May / Jun 2004

First featured in issue 5 - May/June 2004

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Words Samira Said

Photograph Maeve Tomlinson 

From designer labels to the grand design, Karimah’s life has meandered along the path of European catwalks, Rastafarianism, and eventually Islam. She speaks to Samira Said about  er extraordinarily eclectic experiences.

I was born into a Roman Catholic family in Romford, Essex over 40 years ago, to an English Mother and South African Father. My father’s family were a mix of many cultures and my mother has some Irish blood thrown in her for good measure. I believed that God is everywhere and able to see all we do ever since I was four years old. When I was seven my father moved our family out of Romford, deep into the countryside to a very English middle class village called Blachmore.

After I left convent school aged 16, I studied hair and beauty for two years and became a make-up artist with unexpected success. I was hair and make-up artist for high-profile clients such as Gucci and Revlon by the time I was 19 and then I began working as a fashion model, earning outrageous amounts of money. I was always very good at dancing and remembering steps which helped when having to learn the routines for some of the shows.

It sounds the perfect lifestyle – I met the singer Prince, attended a film festival with the director Spike Lee, I was a back up vocalist for Barry Manilow, lived in Zurich and could buy anything I desired - but it wasn’t. There was a great deal of pressure on me to conform to the western beauty myth. On top of this I felt a constant anxiety to keep my weight down – I love food but I knew I must not put on weight so I ended up taking slimming pills, speed and even injecting cow’s urine into my stomach in the hope it would keep me slim. I become so ill that I could not even eat bread or drink tea without vomiting. Looking back I can see that I was only a fashion accessory. However, at the time I was so insecure and lacking in self esteem I continued to allow myself to be objectified and used and was extremely unhappy.

After my modelling career ended I continued a journey to seek out the truth, a journey that I had started deep down since the age of 20. I practised Rastafarianism for seven years and found that in western society, Rasta offers many wonderful insights into a natural way of living that seeks harmony with Allah’s creation – the planet earth. On the down side, the Rastafari movement has problems with the misuse of smoking marijuana; the lack of order, motivation and organisation can be directly attributed to the smoking of this drug. I became a single parent, a product of this offkilter society. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. My saving grace has been my faith in the creator I now call Allah. It has been my faith and constant prayer that has enabled me to shape my life for the better. I have prayed for guidance and protection and Allah has led me to find peace in Islam.

I progressed from Rasta to Islam because I needed a coherence to my faith. In Islam everything is clear, there is guidance and direction for how to live your life. I was also uncomfortable with the idea that the Emperor Haille Sellassie (leader of the Rasta faith) was worshipped so devotedly, I was not comfortable bowing to a picture of him. Rasta has many positive teachings, as do most religions. Rasta take an interest in the way capitalism is corrupting and destroying the essence of society, and Rasta are acutely politically aware. As a Rastafarian I was already covering my hair, wearing modest clothes and eating halal meat. There are many people who are not yet Muslim, who eat halal meat, because they know that it is better than the others.

By the time I was 23 years old I had rejected Western ideas of female beauty and embraced an alternative viewpoint. Even though I had an interest in Islam, it was never my intention to embrace this beautiful faith until one day a friend invited me to the Mosque and I took my Shahadah. I was a Muslim.

When I began practising Islam, I saw it as my duty to make my faith as strong as possible. I have had so many experiences in life as part of my spiritual journey and I knew that Allah is making this happen to me for a reason. I have learned to look for the positive in every situation. This is really hard when a difficult situation occurs. I always talk to Allah even when I feel my faith is being challenged, even when I am tempted to do something bad. In the moments of joy, I thank Allah quietly. Doing so keeps me humble. In moments of fear and sadness I talk to Allah and find solace in the presence of Allah.

A few years ago, I suffered from depression. As soon as I got on my prayer mat I cried and sometimes felt that my prayer mat was the only safe place, my only sanctuary. I asked Allah to wrap my heart and keep it safe and close to Him. During this difficult time I promised myself that when I came out of depression I would get back some joy in my life, which is why I got back in to hair and beauty.

I read a book by Al-Ghazzali called The Alchemy of Happiness in which he explains that we are individually miniature kingdoms of Allah. Through searching our hearts and getting to know ourselves and learning what kind of king or queen we are, we can celebrate the body that Allah has given us to use. Reading this at the time when I was feeling low made me look at my kingdom and what was going wrong in the kingdom that the queen was so sad. I realised my warriors had been sleeping, leaving the praying priestess unguarded. There was no joy and in particular there was no balance. Truth is part of balance. My life is now more honest. I try to be as honest as I can be about my faith. I turn down work if I feel it compromises my Islamic principles; I know that Allah provides.

Islam has enabled me to explore my creativity and nurture my artistic talents. I am working with Faisil Abn Allah to analyse photographic images of women in various stages of the hijab. In this work we are seeking to address the lack of compassion by some sisters towards others who wear the hijab differently. I find that wearing the hijab enables me to confirm my glory as a woman and protects me from wolves. As Muslim women we need to have confidence in ourselves and not accept the role dictated by others.