A link to love

Issue 77 February 2011

After being introduced through family and corresponding over the phone and internet for a few months, Aisha and Farhan finally met five days before their wedding.

Aisha

Back in May 2009, a family friend told us about her nephew whom she thought might make a suitable partner for me. However, as he was in Saudi Arabia and I was in the UK, we couldn’t just invite him over for tea and samosas.
Farhan was going to Pakistan the following month, so we arranged for my family there to meet him. Hearing good things, we decided to take it further, so Farhan and I corresponded over e-mail. I felt comfortable chatting to him over the internet, as you can convey your thoughts better with less pressure.

 Farhan came across as very knowledgeable, down to earth and had a great sense of humour. We chatted about everyday life, but I felt that we needed to be more direct about things and ask the definitive questions about marriage. I didn’t doubt our compatibility, but my concerns were related to practical issues, like where we’d end up living.
I sent him an e-mail with a list of questions about marriage. I felt it was better over e-mail than MSN, as I wanted him to think over his answers and not rush. All his responses were perfect for me and following further discussion, we decided that we were definitely sure and told our families that we wanted to go ahead with marriage.

 The wedding was in Pakistan, so our families did most of the planning. My biggest concern at the time was meeting Farhan though; saying I was incredibly nervous is an understatement! We met for the first time five days before the wedding and after talking for a while, I realised that he was exactly as I had thought he would be. I felt less anxious about the wedding, and my face was graced with a big smile for the next few days.

 I remember waking up on the wedding day and my uncle having a fatherly chat with me, advising me on married life, which made me feel quite emotional. I managed to hold back any tears until someone told me that Farhan and his family had arrived at the wedding venue, after which I couldn’t hold back any longer.

 Thankfully, Farhan and I get on really well. Sometimes I try to predict what his reaction is to situations and when I’m right, which is most of the time, it assures me that I really do know him.

 Islam is a very important factor in my life and it was something that I looked for in Farhan too. I believe that if you both follow the teachings of Islam, then you can’t go wrong.

 It was incredibly nerve-wracking to agree to marry someone, plan the wedding and then meet the person a few days before the big day. But I think you just know when you meet the right person and people should keep an open mind about meeting through new avenues.

 There’s only so much that you can find out about someone until you are actually married to them anyway, so it’s best to try to find out the answers to the things that really matter to you.

Farhan

I was living in Saudi Arabia and my aunt had told me about a girl in the UK, to whose family she had become good friends with. I was looking to get married at the time, so I was asked to send my photo and a brief description of myself to her family.

 A few weeks later, I was visiting Pakistan and was invited round to meet Aisha’s relatives in Karachi. I got on really well with them and was later informed that Aisha and her family were interested in pursuing matters further. Aisha and I then got in touch directly over e-mail. 

 It did seem a bit strange to talk over the internet, but any apprehensions disappeared over time as we began to communicate more. I was most worried about her not being able to see me in person, as I really don’t think I come out well in pictures!

 In our e-mail exchanges, I found Aisha to be polite, humble, well educated and she had a great balance between her religion and everyday life. These qualities are quite rare nowadays, and I was lucky to have found them in Aisha.
I decided to go to the next stage and ask for her telephone number. At first, I thought it would have been quite difficult to decipher her British accent over the phone. But somewhat fortunately, I could just about make out what she was saying.

 I’d say that I’m more of a relaxed communicator, whereas Aisha wants to get straight to the point. This really came across one day, when I got a detailed e-mail from her asking about my opinions on marriage. I would imagine that was the turning point in our relationship.

 I was pretty comfortable with my family doing all the wedding planning. Even on the wedding day, I just went with the flow. Whilst most grooms would be feeling nervous about proceedings, I ended up going for a workout in the morning.
Although that’s not to say that I wasn’t excited about the wedding! I felt quite down about some of my friends from America not being there, but I guess the whole day was a melting point of emotions.
I definitely feel that Aisha and I feed off each other’s energy. She’s taught me how to be more open-minded and make informed decisions; before I would just run off and do things on an impulse. She has such a loving personality, and would go out of her way to make someone happy.

 I think that marriage has made me more mature as a person, but the kid in me still comes out every now and then. For example, I really wanted a pet, but Aisha wasn’t too keen on it. I managed to convince her to get a hamster and now she absolutely adores it. Next, I just have to persuade her to let us get a convertible.

 I still find it amazing how we met through the wonders of technology. People should definitely be receptive to new ideas and if you just go with the flow, you’ll be amazed at what happens. Everything is God’s will, so just relax and don’t stress.